Recently, my friend Trenice was on Instagram and someone put up a post that read “if you want to keep your boyfriend, treat him like your husband.” She laughed to herself and was confident that most people would find this opinion absurd. After the post struck some interest, she began to read the comments. Surprisingly to her, a lot of people were agreeing with the post, and shockingly most of those people happen to be around the same age as us. After watching her snapstory or should I say snaprant about how idiotic our’ generations ideals of “relationships” can be, I decided it would be the perfect subject to discuss on my blog.
If you personally know me, or are a fan of my blog then you know I would never consider myself to be a relationship expert. So most often I try to keep my opinion about other people’s relationships to myself. However, this was one topic where I just couldn’t keep my thoughts to myself. So I began conducting little surveys amongst my closest friends, and asking how they felt about this subject. And let’s just say the results were interesting.
Personally I think there is a very large gap between just dating and being married. There are steps you have to go through before you can even say you are dating someone. Once you meet someone that you can potentially be interested in dating, you have to get to know them. You can’t just converse with someone a couple of weeks and then be dating them. After you get to know the person, you should hang out with them, see if you actually like being around the person one-on-one. Once you’ve hung out with the person a few times, in a public setting (and no that does not include the club), then you can say you are casually dating them. So if all you have just been doing is “chilling” together ie not going to public settings, you are not dating. “Hooking-Up” maybe, but not dating. (Yes, there is a difference.) Next, after a couple of months of dating, and you realize “wait I actually like this person and don’t want them to be seeing anyone else, and I don’t want to see anyone else,” if the feeling is mutual, and you’ve had “the talk” you can now say you are in an official monogamist relationship. Once you are in a committed relationship, you should be building a deep bond. During this time you should learn all things possible about one another, this includes the good things that makes you fall even more in love with that person, and the bad things that you are willingly to look over (within reason). Lastly, after you been in a relationship for a while (over the course of some years), and you literally can’t see your life without each other, THEN and only then, comes marriage.
Sadly, these days people are not operating like that. I know people who have been seeing each other for a few weeks calling one another ” hubby” and “wifey.” Stop it! You don’t even really know them yet. Too often people are mistaking simple sparks as being in love. Sparks don’t equal being in love, they just mean you could have a potentially good connection with that person. The act of being in love is an intense thing, and it should take time to feel. It doesn’t happen over night.
What is even worse than these people thinking they are “in love,” is the people that actually treat the person like their life partner. Marriage is a serious commitment. You are agreeing to a partnership that says you will have each other’s back to the end of time. Marriage means through everything life throws your way, you will always be there to support and love one another. It’s a sacred act, and not something to play with. It’s the type of partnership you don’t just give to anyone. So why are some of you all giving those types of benefits to everyone you date? Those benefits should be earned and ONLY given to someone very special.
I guess all I’m trying to say in this post is TAKE YOUR TIME. Stop rushing yourselves into a committed relationship. It will happen when is suppose to happen. Being by yourself is perfectly okay. Get to know who you are, that way once you do find yourself in a committed relationship, you’ll be an even better partner. Trust me.